I was recently chatting with an 8 year old. She said, being depressed means not being happy. The recent fascination with happiness makes me wonder, what’s wrong about being sad? Don’t we all experience sadness and pain over one thing or another?
If you do, this might come as a relief to you. If you really don't, thanks, and stop reading here.
There are 2 kinds of people that don’t experience painful emotions. One of them is psychopaths and the second kind are the dead. There is a false expectation of people that a happy life means being happy all the time. However, learning to accept and even embrace painful moments is an important aspect of a happy life.
There is a unique concept introduced by Nassim Taleb. And that is Antifragility.
Antifragility is essentially resilience 2.0. Resilience 1.0 is when we put pressure on a system. After the pressure is lifted, that system goes back to its original form. Antifragility takes this idea a step further. You put pressure on a system.
It actually grows bigger and stronger.
We see antifragile systems all around us and within us. For example, people go to the gym, put pressure on the muscles and what happens as a result of that? The muscles grow stronger instead of just bouncing back to normal. We as human beings are an antifragile system. Post traumatic growth is about coming back and growing stronger as a result of the pressure of stress.
The study of the science of happiness is to understand and teach us about what conditions we can put ourselves in to increase the likelihood of PTG. There is a paradox when it comes to pursuing happiness. Research by Iris Moss and others have shown that people who actively pursue happiness are the individuals that often are less happy and more susceptible to depression. The paradox is that on one hand happiness is a very good thing, on the other hand valuing it as a good thing or prize/ goal is problematic. Funny isn’t it?
How do we resolve it, How do we reach out to happiness without it backfiring? The resolution is to pursue it indirectly, A classic example to understand this paradox is – Think about sunlight? If you look at it directly it will burn your eyes, however if you break down the sunlight into its elements, into its constituents, looking at the shades of sunlight, reviewing it through a stream of light in the forest seeing the colors of the rainbow. It won’t burn your eyes.
You are able to enjoy sunlight indirectly, causing you more benefits. What are the metaphorical colors of the rainbow? And how can you pursue happiness in your life indirectly? Tal Ben Shahar has coined the SPIRE model which can trigger the antifragile system.
SPIRE is an acronym that stands for spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and finally, emotional well-being.
Spirituality is concerned with finding meaning and purpose in one's life, both at work and at home. When you wake up with a goal in mind, you are more likely to overcome obstacles.
When it comes to physical well-being, the most important concept to consider is stress, also known as the silent killer. More than half of employees do not take advantage of their vacation time. Even among those who do, nearly half are still tied to their jobs. The issue isn't stress; it's a lack of recovery.
In terms of intellectual wellbeing, studies show that people who are curious and ask questions are not only happier, but also live longer. Another important aspect is deeply engaging with material rather than simply asking questions. It could be text, art, or even nature.
Relational well-being is critical. Quality time spent with people we care about and who care about us is the most powerful predictor of happiness. And it turns out that the quality of our relationships is the most important condition we can put in place to increase the likelihood of antifragility of growing through adversity.
Finally, consider your emotional well-being. So, while accepting painful emotions is critical, how do we cultivate pleasurable ones? Particularly, the emotion of gratitude. Cicero talked about, "Gratitude is the mother of all virtues."
Happiness is a lifelong journey.
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