Know what is working for you and what you are doing wrong?
COMMUNICATION STYLE FOR TEENS
Each and every one of us has a unique way of communication - A way we interact and exchange information. Understanding the communication styles will allow you to comprehend and manage situations better.
There are four main styles of communication:
1. Passive
2. Aggressive,
3. Passive-aggressive, and
4. Assertive.
You may be able to categorize or actively recognize these communication types when you are in a group project. You will notice that some will lead the project and give their ideas, and some of them may be shy and do what they are told. You may also notice some who act aggressively with their ideas and want their ideas to be implemented.
Assertive communication style is considered to be the most effective communication style. This is because assertive communicators are able to communicate their needs, desires, ideas, wishes and feelings while also being kind to other’s opinions.
One of the key features of this communication is the use of “I statements” instead of you or should. For example- “I feel angry when you talk to me rudely”. “I think we should go with this plan”. “I feel that this behavior is wrong.”
How can you become an assertive communicator?
· Take charge (use "I" statements)
· Understand how to say "no"
· Confidently express your needs and desires.
· If you don’t feel confident, fake it, ensure that you communicate your opinions.
· Equally give others a chance to speak and value their opinions.
This communication style may not come easily to everyone. We may need to practice voicing out our wishes or some of us may need to practice to listen to other’s opinions.
Aggressive communication style- As the name suggests, this style of communication is aggressive, hostile and demanding. Aggressive communicators often demand, command and ask questions rudely. It often seems like they do not value others opinion and it may not be the content that is wrong, but the way it is delivered is highly unpleasant.
There is generally a pushback from others as they feel belittled, intimidated and disrespected. The overall experience dealing with such a communicator isn’t pleasant. Such communicators believe that what they say is the utmost right and other’s opinions are not right.
What can you do to communicate better if you are an aggressive communicator?
Changing or even acknowledging their perception about the communication may be difficult, however if you know that you are such a communicator, you can take some steps to effectively communicate
· When you are working in a group, ensure to ask others about their opinions and viewpoints. This makes them feel valued.
· Do not take their comments personally. It speaks more about them than you.
How can you deal with an aggressive communicator?
· Dealing with these communicators is difficult. You can try and adjust to their style or prepare yourself to deal with unpleasant communication.
· Ensure you give them their space to speak. You can redirect their attention to the matter at hand and prevent them from going off track.
· If they happen to criticize your work, you can ask them to help you understand their perspective and how they would like the presentation (work or school) to be instead of simply criticizing with no help.
Passive communication style- As the name suggests, this style is easy-going and conflict-avoidant. Passive communicators rarely express their emotions or needs and often get overshadowed by assertive or aggressive communicators. It may be difficult connecting with such a communicator as they may be quiet and shy
They may not want to speak up with the fear of being dismissed or made fun of or they may simply think it doesn’t matter for them to speak.
What can you do to communicate better if you are a passive communicator?
· Ensure that you do not compromise and voice out your opinions.
· Practice speaking or voicing out your opinions via other methods such as texting them or creating a power point, document, etc
How can you deal with a passive communicator?
· Ensure to ask them for their opinions on matters. Give them their space to speak. Do not rush them
· Do not dismiss their ideas, even if the ideas aren’t that great. It takes a lot of effort to build up the confidence to speak.
· Ensure you reinforce their confidence and inputs by keeping the conversation positive and thanking them for their input.
Passive-aggressive communication style – As the name suggests, this style has both passive and aggression. The passive is outward, what appears on the surface, whereas they may be aggressive on the inside- feeling powerless, burdened, growing resentment on not being able to communicate.
You may notice them muttering to themselves or grumbling and getting angry but not directly to the person or issue but to other things. These communicators are also likely to indulge in sarcasm, giving the silent treatment, spreading rumors and is generally extremely toxic. You can find these in schools when you have a bad grade or a disagreement with the teacher or even your parent.
What can you do to communicate better if you are a passive-aggressive communicator?
· Understand that if you don’t find a way to let go of the anger, it will continue to trouble you. You can make the choice to directly confront the source or to forgive and forget.
· Understanding that positive and pleasant relationships with everyone can improve the quality of your life. Its not right to hold onto and carry the anger with you. Take a breather
· You can either avoid the situation that makes you angry/frustrated or you can change your perception and work through the anger.
· Holding onto these negative feelings aren’t doing you any good and they sure aren’t doing any bad to the one that caused them.
How can you effectively work with a passive-aggressive communicator?
· Try and understand why they could be acting like this. Reaching out to them to understand what is it that’s ticking them off and if its in your position to help rectify the issue or simply offer support can help them.
· Dealing with them with the same passive-aggression will not help, even if its tempting. At such situations you can focus on assertive communication keeping the communication to the point.
· You can also focus on their messages and rephrase it in an assertive manner.
How can you be a better communicator?
1. If you notice that you are verbally or physically aggressive, you can try and find some examples of situations where others have handled it better than you without the aggression and model that behavior.
2. If you tend to be passive, instead of thinking- i don’t care for it doesn’t matter, You can find things you are interested in and be assertive.
3. Start using I statements, instead of you. Ex- I get angry when you do this, instead of you make me angry. Detach the feeling from the person and link it to the action that creates the feeling
4. Its important to remember that judgments make people defensive and to avoid being judgmental. One action or behavior of a teen cannot be reflective of their future or character
5. Its important to focus on the problem rather than taking the communication personally.
When they say you're crazy, may not mean you really are :-). Keep coming back to the problem even as you're tempted to be distracted.
Above all, remember, teens see the world very differently from us or what we think they do. They within their cocoons are transforming into butterflies are are not quite the pupa we think they were.
Happy communicating!
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